I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize