Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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