just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
