She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm getting married
To pizza
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
