Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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