dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
