I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize