Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
