i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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