Porn is love you can see.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
