Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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