1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
