We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
