I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize