I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
