Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize