Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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