i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
