what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He passed out mid-signature
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
