How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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