I bet he comes in French.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
