don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
