he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
