didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
