Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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