I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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