Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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