I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They have beer where we have blood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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