PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
