Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize