I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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