he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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