someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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