I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
