Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
