So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
