I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
