Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize