Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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