I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize