you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
