you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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