My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
