i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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