I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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