worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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