i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
