my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
