I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
