do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
