yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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