I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
