Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
