i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Randomize
