Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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