HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
