In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
