Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
