remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
