Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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