just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize